On Women
"Of all the nasty outcomes predicted for women's liberation … none was more alarming than the suggestion that women would eventually become just like men."
Barbara Ehrenreich
Feminism: belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests
First there is the sense of self, the who we are, at birth, at three, at twenty, fifty and ninety-four. This changes.
Second there is who others see us for or desire us to be. We pit our true selves against this initial assessment, this forecast, this fantasy. Sometimes our views align. The greatest struggle occurs with those who raise us, teach us and coach us. For in their eyes, their minds, we show tendencies to be something clear cut. She is pretty. She is athletic. She is brainy. She is maternal. She is tall. She is a “tomboy”. She is fierce. She is mysterious. Dark.
Third there is our longing. Our need to fit in or fall out. Our belief that we can change who we are by painting our faces, coloring our hair, or shaving it off, wrapping ourselves in cellophane or pinstriped suits, and no bra. Or are we trying to change others’ perceptions of who we are. In adolescence, it is often both. There is also our longing to evolve, to relocate our authentic self, that soul-essence tucked away inside us. We need a compass, and light.
Feminism started as a pure fight. Our grandmothers knew the truth and decided to bring it up from where it lay, twisting and turning like a fearsome animal caught in a net. The men were stupendously afraid. But also, stupid. They ignored the rumblings until it was too late. They never could have stopped it of course, but they were too busy being men, and living under the advantages that they had always been afforded to keep an eye on things. White men, primarily. The most privileged of all.
We are less preoccupied with the matter of being a woman these days. We are more interested in moving forward the agenda of equality for all. We care less about what you are, we are more interested in what you have to say, what you believe, how you show love and empathy for others. We desire fairness and acceptance. These are human qualities. We know we cannot escape fundamentally the biology that allows for one person to give birth to a child, and another to lift a car with their two hands. We are open to the possibility however that this biology could be manipulated.
We are surrounded by a cacophony of voices. These voices are so multitudinous that we are unable to hear it all. We try to gather the thoughts into a finely woven tarp of wisdom so that our hearts may accept it all gracefully. It is not easy. We learn something new each time we listen, each time we read. We learn something from photographs that we must look at a second time or more. We cannot afford to be selective, or narrow. Our eyes wander over the headlines, the click-bait, the tears, and the smiles.
It is easy still, to fall into the role that was defined for us, the menu that carries the same food we grew up with, and nothing novel or exotic, nothing that we’ve not tried before. We consider what face we want to show the world, standing in front of the open closet door, our nude bodies are gentle warriors facing the clothing, waiting to be selected. We used to behave and speak with little contemplation. This was the easy part. Now we watch for cues we missed centuries before, we observe the way someone scratches behind their ear, or avoids our eyes. We practice assuming nothing other than this person wants to be called by their name.
The problem is the battle rages on. There are still people who want to stop us from having it all, who want to hold us down at the neck with their forearm, who want their hands inside our uterus, who want to pay us less for turning the wrench on the same wheel they are turning a wrench on. The people who mock us as inferior, soft, hysterical and dumb. The people who are afraid of our power, of our urgency, and of our claim to what they believed was only theirs.
We are reorienting society on what it means to be human. Women, and all other people, outside of a certain small minded and decreasing number, heterosexual cis males, seem to understand this is the only way. Our progress is muddled and sticky because of this segment of men, these narrow-minded, old-school, aging, illogical, mostly religious, scared, silly men. We would never want to be like them, and in time they will be the minority, and their influence will wane. Humans will win.